Paul Sassone: Wise men flee from perfume department

<p>Paul Sassone</p>

Paul Sassone

There is a place few men dare go.

Not out of cowardice. And even though there are pretty women there, men shun it.

It is a store’s perfume area — which, thanks to PBS I now know originated in Selfridge’s Department Store in England.

One reason guys stay away from the perfume department is there is too much French in it. And all real American men dislike and distrust the French language.

French has no consonants. And consonants are very appealing to men.

OK, French does have consonants. But the consonants sound like vowels making everything run together in a kind of lingual mush.

And doesn’t French sound phony? Nobody would call a perfume “Smells Good.” But just call it something like “Bon Odour” and you can charge hundreds of dollars for what wouldn’t even fill a shot glass.

And always remember, France is the country that thinks Jerry Lewis is great artist. Enough about France.

The perfume department also assaults a guy’s nose. You can smell it from the parking lot.

Not that individual perfumes aren’t nice. But the perfume department is all the individual perfume smells you’ve ever smelled in your life in one place and at one time.

And the pretty, young, black-garbed saleswomen make it worse by spraying right at you the latest scent, “Le Nuit di mon Grande Erreur.”

Women have built up a tolerance over the years to such scental assaults. Not us guys who only go to the perfume department on Mother’s Day or wedding anniversaries.

The only antidote I know of to the perfume department is to get to an Italian restaurant right away.

And take a deeeeeeep breath.

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