Paul Sassone: Stop reminding me — I know I’m fat!

Paul Sassone

They remind me about once a week.

That’s how often e-mails come telling me I’m fat.

Oh, they don’t actually say I’m fat. They use euphemisms. These e-mails are trying to sell “casual and dress clothing for the tall and big man.”

Big.

“Big’’ is a euphemism for “fat.’’

“Mature’’’ also means “fat.’’

“Relaxed’’ as in”relaxed fit’’ means “fat’’ too.

“Tall’ does not mean “fat.’’ Tall is what fat guys wish they were instead of “big,’’ i.e. “fat.’’

So, whenever you see mention of clothes for the mature man or big man, you can be sure the clothes are for fat guys.

People who aren’t fat may not know that fat guys can’t buy clothes in just any store. Fat guys need bigger sizes than most stores stock.

Catalogs and online sites are where fat guys prefer to shop. They have all the good sizes — 2XL, 3XL, etc. all the way up to GL (Good Lord!).

Funny though. The guys on the cover of the of the big and tall clothing catalogs, and in the online photos, never look fat. They look tall. I wonder why that is since there are a lot more fat guys than tall guys.

Must be because being fat has a bad rep. Though a recent study concluded that people who are overweight, but not obese, live longer than people whose weight is normal or who are underweight.

Yet being fat is not a lifestyle. No one chooses to be fat. It happens.

Yes, fat people can lose weight. But how often does the weight stay off? Sometimes. But I’ll let you in on something: Fat people always feel fat even if they no longer are — fat, that is.

There always will be firms that sell casual and dress clothing for the tall and big man because there always will be tall and big men.

Don’t beat yourselves up about it, fellow fat guys.

In one of my favorite movies, “Spartacus,’’ Charles Laughton (the greatest fat actor of all time) tells Peter Ustinov (the second-greatest fat actor of all time), “You and I have a tendency toward corpulence. Corpulence makes a man reasonable, pleasant and phlegmatic. Have you noticed the nastiest of tyrants are invariably thin?’’

And, you might live longer.

Unless, of course, you are obese.

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